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okay. - don't have bright blue or green hair - hair color isn't really all that important, but i do prefer natural hair colors. not to mention you should probably be mid to late x s, at the least, if you're replying to this and lets be honest, who needs blue or green hair at that age? i'm by no a serious businessman, as you can tell, but i also don't look like a clown college drop out. so lets keep that hair color natural, capiche? - be moderately attractive - you know if this is you or not. i'm not asking for shannyn sossamon, okay, well maybe i am, but i can settle. i know i'm no richard gere or whoever it is that you ladies are finding attractive these days, but i've got moxie. actually i'm not sure that i could point out moxie on a map, but i do know that james van der beek played jonathon moxon on varsity blues circa x and that's got to be worth something, right? - don't curse like a sailor - i'll slip in a curse word or twelve every now and again, but i also have a pretty decent vocabulary that consists of words i'd say around my kid or be comfortable with them saying in public. not to mention that it's just not overly attractive when you can't put together a couple of sentences without the use of curse words. girl's mouths should be pretty. - be educated - i'm not saying you have to have a college degree or be a member of mensa, but i do ask for some smarts. please know the basics of the english language and be able to differentiate between there, they're and their along with to, too and two. those are just a couple of examples, but you get the point, right? right. - don't be psychotic - i'm not really naive enough to believe that you would admit to me how psychotic you are, so this point is actually just filler to make the post appear to be bigger than it would have been without it. because after all, bigger is better, right? eh? eh? yeaaah. that's what she said. - be okay with - i have xxx little boys that you probably won't meet for many months, but still be okay with that. i'm recently divorced with no drama at all. i have my boys on themad mad mad girl 52 Kansas City Kansas 52 weekends, fuck women in Hattiesburg Mississippi but i can get away for an evening if i need to go out. they're x . x and x . x years old and mean more to me than anything out there. so if you have a kid or two, that's great, but if you're anti , then this never would've worked out anyway. ------------------------- okay, so that should just about do it on the close-handed, non-negotiable issues. i'm sure there are more that'll come up and we'll cross that bridge when it gets here. in the meantime, if you have no problem with those things listed above, continue reading. the next section is a little bit more quirky but equally important. that's not to say i wouldn't negotiate on these things with the right girl, but you'd better bring something special to the table if you're wanting to negotiate on these. this section will be updated as often as craig will allow me to. - be okay with eating the non sugar-sprinkled, danish butter cookies - i'm not a fan of wasting things, so if i could find a girl that has no problems eating the ones that aren't sprinkled with sugar that'd be great. i've included a picture of the ones i'm not really fond of. - be okay with eating the wings - i realize that most places offer boneless, but from time to time a person is forced to go b xxx in and i like the drumsticks, myself. so if you're down for the wing, we'll be good to go. - be okay with jelly belly jelly beans - i'm a fan of jelly beans and feel that jelly belly has crafted the perfect bean. not only is the size great (not too small, but not too big) but the flavors they've come up with are wonderful as well. my personal favorites are buttered popcorn, red apple, cream soda, pina colada and toasted marshmallow. this is where it takes versatility on your part. you have to be willing to both eat those flavors and pass on those flavors. what does this mean? well, there will be times i get a bag of my favorites at target or a candy store and you need to be willing to help me eat them so that i don't eat an entire back, so you need to like these flavors. but from time to time i'm given a random assortment by friends or family members and i'm going to pick through and eat all of my favorites. this is going to leave a bag that's probably x % full of flavors i'm not a fan of (peach, licorice, very cherry, dr. pepper, etc.) and i'll need you to step in and save the day so that none of them go to waste. i'm not asking for you to love the nasty flavors, but help a guy out. ------------------------- just because my three listed criteria are dealing with food doesn't mean i'm all about eating. i just need a partner in crime when it comes to eating to make sure that nothing goes to waste. that make sense? so, i will admit, this is partially done in fun and boredom. i work overnights and find myself perusing the personal ads in good humor to pass the time every now and again and thought it might be fun to post a comical ad and see what types of responses i might get. but it's also done because a date or some type of interaction would definitely be fun. i'm not looking to get married tomorrow or anything like that, but having been married for x + years and now having been "single" for x + months, i can definitely say that i prefer having someone around. if you're interested in talking, texting, eMailing or meeting up, send over an eMail and we'll go from there. this is where i tell you that the eMails with pictures get priority over the ones without and then you think less of me because i didn't post a picture of myself and blah blah blah. yeah, so send a picture of you and i'll send you a picture of me. if you want to text and all, send your cell number. it's really up to you. thanks for reading. 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